


Laugh until you mean it

by xgriffin



Category: Saving Hope
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-27
Updated: 2015-04-27
Packaged: 2018-03-25 23:15:44
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,001
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3828520
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xgriffin/pseuds/xgriffin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maggie processes. Post S3 finale.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Laugh until you mean it

_Joel was just ahead of her, his head bent slightly forward as he moved through the crowded tables of the café. He was heading for the exit, past the ever-present staircase and the large picture windows, to the door, the door, medical bag in hand, and purpose in each stride._

_And Maggie followed, arms outstretched to the man she had once held in her bed, teased mercilessly, chastised, and fell, broken, for. The man she had settled into easy friendship with, the man who held her best friend’s heart, and a special, small old place in hers._

_But he was gone. Gone to a place her arms could not reach._

 

 

And Maggie found herself in a sweat, crosswise across her double bed, clutching a pillow that may have been Joel. Shaking her head, she twisted her body around for a moment, before realizing she couldn’t shake these thoughts – or memories – out of her.

She looked up, at the light playing across the room she rented in Alex’s apartment, and wondered how she had gotten here. 

Two failed relationships, a miscarriage, and here she was, mourning the man she had tried so valiantly to leave behind. With humor, with lighthearted wit, with a relationship with a man she had loved but could not _love_. And there was Sydney. Syd.

But Maggie felt so overwhelmed thinking about her. There had been so much back and forth between them, and now with everything that had happened…it took too much energy. Everything seemed so bleak at the moment.

Well, besides her career. Over the past few weeks, the warmth of passing her surgical boards had bubbled under the surface of her ever-moving cycle of grief, an intermittent sweetness beneath the dull shock, the tears that moved into full-fledged sobs and ebbed back into quiet pain. 

She had fulfilled her pledge to make something of herself, to prove something to her absent father and honor the memory of her loving mother. But her father was gone now, with her mother, and Joel – the young and ever-effusive Joel. The fleeting happiness had been largely overshadowed by exhaust and grief, mingled within dreams of the man she had known. A lover, a mentor, a friend.

And then there was Sydney. Even as Maggie shunned her from her mind, in her confusion, her frustration, her will to make life easier and less godforsaken painful, the redheaded doctor peeked into her thoughts, quietly, often.

The kindness in her eyes, as she thanked Maggie, for simply being her. The vulnerability she felt practically quivering from Sydney as she leaned in for that second kiss, that wonderful, caring night they shared before Sydney had gone back to Herschel. Sydney was broken, too, and had needed Maggie even more than Maggie needed her. A nice change for once.

Yet Maggie hadn’t really sorted through her feelings for the sweet younger doctor. There was so much to explore. She cared for her, deeply. But did she love her? Was this another Gavin, or a Joel? Or maybe the best of both? Maggie couldn’t help but smirk at that. If she wasn’t careful, she might lapse into almost Gavin-like gooeyness.

The truth was, regardless of her feelings, Sydney was pretty hot. Her bite, her frankness, and yet the sweetness she hid beneath it all. She was an enigma, and Maggie liked that. Not too predictable, yet much less volatile than…past relationships she had been in. She closed her arms tightly around the pillow, as thoughts of Joel began to sink in. She shook her head. Now that she had let herself begin to think about Sydney, really think about her… she wanted to stay in this place. This bright place, where she could flirt and tease, and enjoy the person alive in her life, now.

 

With a groan and a halfhearted smile, she slid out of bed, and began leafing through her closet, imagining Sydney’s reaction to her sleek black dress, or the plunging neckline of her red blouse. She laughed at herself. She wanted to see the blush that easily found its way to Syd’s cheeks, the fluster as she hurried to hide the depth of her feelings.

Feeling impulsive, Maggie reached for her phone. She paused for a beat, then tapped the name “Sydney.”

A voice full of concern answered. “Maggie, hi. How are you?”

Ugh. Her worry was a punch to the gut. But Maggie didn’t want to talk about that now. She wanted banter, humor, flirting.

“You know how it is. Sleepless nights, tear-soaked vodka, avoiding Alex’s haunted look in the bathroom. Your run-of-the-mill post-death shiva going on in here. But we have a newborn thrown in.”

Fifteen city blocks away, Sydney smiled in spite of herself. She wanted to press Maggie to talk about Joel, but this was the first time the pretty doctor had reached out to her in weeks. And she had referenced shiva. Her thoroughly non-Jewish love interest had referenced shiva. She would make her talk about her feelings later. 

“Babies. The least interesting part of pregnancy.”

“Are you telling me you don’t want to have kids, Dr. Katz?” Maggie teased.

Sydney rolled her eyes. “I don’t have to fulfill every lesbian stereotype, do I?”

“I guess not. But you aren’t going to be very welcome around here if you can’t handle a baby’s screams every once in awhile.”

“We’ll just have to go other places, then.” Sydney said.

“Is that an invitation?” Maggie smiled.

“Hmmmm. I’m pretty sure you’re the one that owes me an invitation, Dr. Lin.”

“One saved boards exam, and the woman thinks I owe her the world. Okay, Dr. Katz, how does this Saturday sound? Maybe Campari’s on Fifth? I could pick you up at seven.”

Sydney smiled. “You don’t have to cover your shoulders, but keep doing something about that hair, will you?”

 

Maggie clicked the phone off, laughing, and took a breath. It was time to get up and out of her bedroom. Maybe Alex would appreciate breakfast. 

**Author's Note:**

> I have never written a fan fic before! But there isn't enough Maggie x Sydney. So I thought I'd write something. Hoping more folks will follow.


End file.
